inns of depravity

so a few weeks ago, i went to a bar with some of my friends.  the experience was basically the same as whenever im surrounded by a large group of people, i am reminded of how much i cannot stand most everybody.  we humans are disgusting to the point of hilarity and i think that though we take ourselves very seriously, if we could only step back for a moment and really look at ourselves, we  would have almost die laughing.  the things we place so much importance on and the things that aggravate and stress us are almost always ridiculous, once taken outside of the immediate context.  i am not satisfied with what follows, and there is a great temptation for me to rewrite the entire thing, but i have decided not to.  instead, ill call it my poor attempt to simulate what dr hunter s thompson called "gonzo journalism."  of course, the only similarities this sad piece shares with that master's work is that it was scribbled through bleary eyes in the wee hours of the morning.  but i am holding to the reactionary, active role playing, actually being there part of the formula as best i can.  this has been edited only for spelling, god help you all...

there are times when i believe that things may not be as bad as i thought, that maybe there is some hope for us, as a species, after all. fortunately, all i need to remind myself of my revulsion at the creatures we are is suddenly to be plunged into the midst of these wild beasts. as we entered the bar, or club as some may prefer, i was almost instantly accosted on all sides by pimps and prostitues, shamelessly flaunting their wares. i noticed, as the nite wore on like any other, that the defining feature of a female of this particular species is to dress and appear to any unbiased passerby as to be “open for business,” so to speak, and yet, when an actual customer enters the shop, to violently and condescendingly shoo him out by the nearest means of egress, as if he were some damned fool for thinking one might actually sell tea in a tea shop. and in the meantime, one must always remember that the best means for achieving one’s goal is to act as if that would be the ultimate last thing one would ever want to do, in any way. this, counterintuitively, as best as i can guess, is the way in which this species has sustained its long-lasting success.
however, this does not take into consideration the supplemental benefits which go along with this cat-and-mouse. the females recieve a great deal of gifts and flattery from the males on all sides, and are in complete power to induce the males to act in foolish ways to no end in their desperate and futile attempts to secure a mate for the very near and immediate future.
it cannot be failed to be mentioned also that, unlike many other wild species, this particular primate breed chooses to mate not intentionally for the purposes of procreation. strange, but enough from the anthropological dias...
once we had overstayed our welcome, and left a vivid calling-card, my companions and i made our way out of this establishment and towards an unknown destination. as we traveled aimlessly thorugh the streets, we were lined by gawkers and lizards, mocking each step we took, mocking the very fact that we took steps, i believe, while they, of course, had had the foresight to have gained a place early and to while away their precious friday evening in standing against corners of various buildings and ogling passersby. their comments were indeciphirable and not even worth reprinting here, but one could glean the hints of sardonic cruelty in their guttural noises. they hated us for existing, i could tell, because somehow we were different. they reviled our very appearance, which i would regard as nothing of note and certainly nothing of danger. and yet, i felt a desperate love in their voices, i know that they needed us. because without us, they would have no reason to stand on the corner, and as far as im aware, considering that i will probably never see these indiviuals again, to me, they would have no reason to exist. unless of course it would be in sad and futile attempts to woo the female of their species (see above.)
finally our meandering led us to a sad hovel in the midst of some of the most desperate renditions of post-apocalyptica i have yet witnessed in my life. being of no surprise to me, i followed my crew and entered (abandoning all hope, of course.) there were many drones there, worker ants taking off the edge after another long week. the pulse was loud and monotonous and one could barely withstand a few steps into the place without lapsing into a trance. here the blood ran thick and swift, so i knew i would have to keep my wits about me. i would need some strong stuff to get me through this one. fortunately, i’ve learned that a strict diet of alcohol can make all the difference. it has the awesome power to make me see humour in such a place where there would otherwise be biting hatred. and so, having built up a forcefield of sorts, i felt strong enough to look around, to survey my surroundings, and most importantly, to formulate a plan of escape the second the necessity arose. i saw stretched before me a smorgasbord of near-sex and ultimate frustration, of lies and trumped-up braggings that really had only the most tenuous basis in reality. as i compared the world of the media and that of so-called “reality” i made a startling discovery: “NO ONE IS GETTING LAID TONITE!!!” You’re all so pathetic, so trying-what-i-saw-on-mtv that you fail to realize the way it plays out. if you had stuck around for the rest of the episode, you might have seen that joey didn’t hook up with mary, she blue-balled him and then he had to call her back a few times. then after several meaningless and unnececssarilly expensive dates, he finally made the move, only to find the lesson the conscientious reader already learned (above) now, joey is by himself, while mary is telling her friends about what an asshole that guy was, and how arent all men like that, when the whole time she’d been begging him to do it. and why? because were all too fucking scared to admit to ourselves and others what we really want. but then theres always the alternative, that joey did manage to weasel his way into mary, and now shes attatched, but hes not interested(see-arent all men like that?) or better yet, shes carrying a giant misnomer, a little bundle of joy, and again, hes not interested.
just as i thought i would lose the last shred of my sanity, two of my friends pulled me from the fire and into the still-seething though not as cramped sidewalk. after a short pause, i made my way home, reflecting on what i had seen.
i learned several things tonite. i learned that someone had been paid an obscene amount of money to write and record a song in which the only discernible lyrics i could guess were “she got a thong.” yes indeed, let it ring from the mountaintops, she got------a thong. i also learned that the world is still full of insane people, those who look at me as if im the freak. but yet again im sure, im not even here, im merely an observer, watching, noting, analyzing the crude and mostly predictable movements that this species makes. thats what i do, like those wallflowers from earlier, minus the nonsensically critical voice. they are my inspiration. yes the world is full of crazies. and thank god (or bog) that i live right in the middle of them.